There She Goes Read online

  Joan remembered how ridiculously happy the young woman had been when the neon window sign had arrived. For almost an hour she’d sat on the floor flicking between ‘vacancy’ and ‘no vacancy’ before Freddie pried it from her hands to hang it in the window.

  “Of course we do. Do you want to answer the door, or shall I?”

  “It’s your house. You do it, I need to run up to my room anyway.”

  Joan walked to the front door as Sophie dashed up to do whatever it was she needed to do. Opening the door, she was faced with a young, good looking couple who were arm-in-arm and full of smiles.

  Sophie sat on her bed, the envelope in her shaking hand. She had an hour until Freddie turned up to pick it up and say goodbye. He was travelling up to Scotland for Christmas and the New Year and had promised to post the card and letter she’d written to her mum when he got to Glasgow.

  Although she’d been gone for so long, she was still scared of making contact in case her family and the police found her and made her go home. Deep in her heart, Sophie knew she’d made a huge mistake not getting in contact, but the longer she refused, the harder it got to change her mind. She’d achieved so much in Brighton and wanted to let her mum know about it all even if it meant admitting she didn’t attend a school to sit her exams. Maybe one day, she’d be able to go to college and resit them.

  More than anything, she wanted to let her mum know she was safe and happy, and to apologise. Ever since she’d told Freddie the truth about her and why she was in Brighton, Sophie had found herself thinking about her family more and more. Even though she now considered Joan family, she wondered what they were doing. On her mum’s birthday, she’d bought a cupcake and a candle which she lit and blew out. She didn’t bother with a wish though, they never seemed to come true for Sophie.

  Hearing Joan speaking to someone downstairs, Sophie assumed Freddie had arrived early, so she jumped to her feet, checked her hair in the mirror, and ran down the stairs, ready to jump into his arms. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she realised that the tall blond man, who had his arm wrapped around a shorter, dark-haired girl, wasn’t Freddie.

  Sophie hadn’t expected Freddie to keep hanging around after her telling him about everything that had happened back home, but he did, and they’d been inseparable since. More so when he admitted he’d only started helping around the bed and breakfast in the hopes of getting up the courage to ask her out. At first, Sophie didn’t believe him, considering how forward he’d been that first night on the beach. Freddie made another admission, this time about Dutch Courage which had endeared him to her even more.

  “I’m sure one night will be plenty, we’re only here until Saturday evening before heading back home to London,” he was saying to Joan.

  At the sound of his voice, Sophie froze. It may have been almost six months since she’d heard it, but she would recognise Stuart Hill’s voice anywhere. Memories of him telling her how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her as he touched her floated through her mind and she began to shake.

  “That’s perfect. Follow me and I’ll get you booked in.” Joan was all smiles as she led them to her small reception desk at the end of the hallway. Before anyone could see her, Sophie ran into the kitchen and sat at the table, unable to stop her hands from shaking.

  She could hear Joan nattering away through the closed door. Stuart’s voice had deepened a little, but the tone was the same. Eventually, silence descended, and Joan joined her in the kitchen.

  “Sophie, what’s wrong? You’re as white as a sheet.” The older woman sat next to Sophie, and looked at her, checking for signs of illness.

  “That man… and the girl… why are they here?”

  “He mentioned something about celebrating their anniversary. She looked a little young for him if you ask me, but they paid their charge for the night and have gone up to bed. I put them as far away from the both of us as possible, so we don’t hear any… goings on.” Joan laughed, but soon stopped when she realised Sophie hadn’t joined in. “Honey, I thought you’d be pleased about having our first paying customers.”

  “I am… I just… I think…” Sophie wasn’t sure how to say what was on her mind. “That was Stuart.”

  “Oh… well, in that case, I’m going to march up there, ask for that girl’s identification to prove she’s old enough to be here with him, and then I’m going to sling them both out. Or maybe I should just call the police.”

  “No, you can’t. Please don’t phone the police.” Panic filled Sophie’s entire body at the thought of police officers coming to the bed and breakfast, of finding her.

  “Oh dear, I wasn’t thinking. Let me go and deal with it. You wait right here.”

  Over an hour later, Sophie heard the front door slam shut, and Joan re-joined her. She’d spent the entire time turning the sealed envelope over and over in her hands, wondering what Stuart would have done or said if he’s seen her.

  “Oh, I don’t like him one bit, slimy piece of work. Well, they're gone. Would you like a cup of tea?”

  When Sophie didn’t answer her, Joan sat back down at the table and took Sophie’s hands into her own.

  “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

  Sophie’s voice was barely a whisper when she eventually replied.

  “I think it’s time for me to go back.”

  “I think it’s time for me to go back.”

  The words swirled around Sophie’s mind as she lay in bed. Joan said she’d understood, and Sophie had believed her, but she wondered whether Joan was as scared as she was.

  Scared that her family would accept her when she went back, scared the kids from school would find out and start up again, scared she would never return to Brighton.

  She glanced at the clock, saw it was almost four in the morning and realised she hadn’t slept a wink. Climbing out of bed, she moved robotically through the motions of her morning routine. Once she was showered and dressed, she sat on her bed with her phone in her hand. Maybe she could phone her mum, try again and see what the reaction would be.

  Turning it on, Sophie was relieved she wasn’t inundated with messages. Then she remembered she hadn’t put the old sim back in.

  Maybe it would be better not to give advance notice, then there wouldn’t be disappointment if she couldn’t go through with it. Maybe it would give her the push to go through with it if she did tell them she was going back. Unable to decide, she dropped the phone onto the bedside table and went to get some breakfast.

  She would decide later.

  Sophie stood on the pebbled beach, watching the seagulls flying above the waves that crashed against the skeletal remains of the destroyed West Pier. The letter she’d planned on having Freddie mail to her mum was heavy in her jacket. There was no point in mailing it to her considering she’d be seeing her mum face-to-face in just a few hours. She didn’t know what was going to happen when she went back, and it scared the hell out of her.

  But she knew she was making the right decision. It was time to go back and speak to her family. She owed it to them to explain, and it was time that she stopped hiding and began living her life, as Sophie Jennison.

  Rain drizzled onto her hair, soaking her denim jacket, the only jacket she’d grabbed when she’d left The Albatross Inn. Needing time alone, she’d walked down to the beach to think and build up the courage she knew she needed to take the first step.

  Joan had offered to go with her, but Sophie had told her to stay in Brighton. The last thing she wanted was for Joan to get in trouble with the police for helping Sophie hide away. It was the last thing Joan needed, and Sophie loved the woman too much to let her go through it.

  Freddie had ignored her when she’d told him to stay in Brighton too. He insisted on going to London with her, stand by her side and be there for her. Even though she didn’t agree with him going with her, she was grateful for the support. She couldn’t remember what it was like to have that kind of unwavering support from a fr
iend. Sophie had only been away from home for six months, but she already felt like a different person, and that she had true friends, who knew and accepted her, for her.

  Hearing the beep of a car horn, she turned to see Freddie had pulled up in his dad’s car on the side of the road. With one last look at the beach, she walked over and climbed into the passenger seat. She hoped she’d be able to see the beach again. It felt more like home in six months than London ever had in fifteen years. One life decision had changed that for her.

  “How are you feeling?” Freddie asked as he pulled away and into the traffic heading out of Brighton.

  “Scared, nervous, but relieved I finally get to speak to my mum and tell her my side of the story.” I hadn’t recognised the third emotion flowing through me until I said it out loud. It was true, I was relieved.

  “Well, you won’t be doing it alone. I’ll be there with you.” He took hold of her hand and gave it a little squeeze before putting his hand back on the steering wheel.

  “Thank you, so much. You really didn’t have to come back with me.” Although she spoke the words, she was glad he had insisted on joining her, Sophie knew she wouldn’t have maintained the courage to return to the flat and face her family.

  “Of course I did. I care about you Sophie, and I don’t want you to have to face anything alone again.”

  “But… what if you get into trouble? Or Joan? I couldn’t live with that.”

  “Stop worrying, we won’t get into trouble. You don’t even need to tell them about Joan, and I can play dumb. Tell anyone who asks that you only just told me about everything.” He turned to look at her, a soft smile on his face. “Just concentrate on reconnecting with your family.”

  Sophie didn’t like the idea of leaving Joan out of the story because she was so appreciative of what she had done for her, but she knew Freddie was right. Hiding Sophie in the house rather than telling the police about someone involved in an active runaway case was a crime as far as Sophie knew.

  “You’re too good to me, Freddie Parkinson, you really are.”

  Freddie turned and smiled at her, careful not to take his eyes off the road in front of them for too long.

  They both fell silent as Freddie concentrated on driving and Sophie tried to work out what she was going to say to her mum. The closer they got to London, the more nervous she felt.

  Soon, she was directing Freddie through streets she’d walked her entire life; past the park she and Katie used to hang out in to check out the cute boys from school, past the off licence they knew would serve them cheap cider even though they were under age, and the gates to the school where other people had ruined her life. She told Freddie some stories that made them both laugh; she’d had a lot of good times before her abortion.

  Some of the stories she told made her think about how things had changed so quickly for her, and she wanted to tell Freddie to turn the car around and head back to Brighton so she could hide away some more; she almost did but knew it wouldn’t help. Facing her family was the only option now.

  Finally, Sophie directed Freddie through the estate, past the block of flats she had lived in for as long as she could remember and into the car park behind it which happened to be next to the youth centre where she had met Stuart.

  “Can we… can we just sit here for a minute?” Sophie asked Freddie who was ready to get out of the car.

  “Of course. Take all the time you need.” He leaned back against the driver’s seat and waited for Sophie to be ready to face her family.

  For a full ten minutes, the two of them sat inside the car in silence. Sophie’s mind was in overdrive, imagining all the possible outcomes of returning home. Would her mum be pleased to see her? Throw her out and refuse to speak to her? She honestly didn’t know how anyone was going to react and that’s what scared her more than anything. Not knowing was driving her crazy.

  “Well, sitting here’s not going to give me answers. I better get going.”

  “Right then, let’s go.”

  Sophie tried to talk him into staying in the car again, but he refused. There was no way he was going to let her go through something so big on her own, not again.

  Standing outside her door was weird. For so long she’d never thought twice of using her key and simply letting herself in, but now she hesitated. Her keys and all her things were still in Brighton, so she finally lifted her hand and knocked on the door.

  Nothing happened for a long time, but she could hear the twins playing, so knew someone was inside. Then, the tell-tale sound of footsteps approached the front door and it swung open.

  “Hi mum.”

  Sophie looked around the front room of the flat. It hadn’t changed much in the time she’d been gone, not that she’d expected it to, but she could see the odd difference; a new toy here, a photograph there, but it looked and felt the same.

  Her mum sat on the chair opposite the sofa where Sophie sat with Freddie, staring at her daughter in shock. When she’d opened the door, her mum had done nothing but stare at her for a full five minutes. The blue eyes Sophie knew so well had moved over her face, inspecting every inch as if her mum didn’t believe it was really her. Then she was pulled into a tight hug as her mum cried and murmured Sophie’s name over and over. Now the tears had stopped, Sophie waited for the interrogation to start as she felt uncomfortable under the gaze of her mum.

  Melissa Jennison’s struggled to keep her face impassive. For months she’d dreamed of having Sophie back, but now it had happened, she wasn’t sure what to do or say to the girl who looked so different from six months previously.

  Her long brown hair had been styled into a honey blonde bob which made her round face seem more grown up, and her gangly body was filling out into the soft curves of a young woman. It hurt Melissa to see how much she had missed her daughter and the changes she had gone through, but she was also overjoyed just to know her eldest was healthy and apparently happy.

  “Sophie… I… You… Ugh, this is harder than I thought it would be.” Melissa took a sip of the cold tea she’d been gripping since they all sat down. “Why has it taken you so long to come home?” She asked eventually, not sure if she wanted to know the truth, but desperate to hear what Sophie had to say at the same time.

  “I’m sorry mum. I didn’t think… I mean, I never expected all of this to happen. I honestly didn’t think I’d be gone so long.”

  “I know, your letter said you’d only be gone for a couple of days and that you’d explain when you got back. When you never came back, I didn’t know what to think.” Melissa took another sip of her tea, wincing at the cold liquid. “The police couldn’t find you, despite looking everywhere. There was CCTV footage of you at the station, but no one remembered seeing you or where you went. It was dead end after dead end. How could a fifteen-year old leave no trails?”

  She stood up suddenly, muttering about needing a fresh cup of tea, and disappeared into the kitchen. As she moved around, she didn’t care if her banging and mutterings were loud enough to be heard from the front room. So many different emotions were jumbled up inside of her, fighting for attention, she couldn’t quite think straight.

  For six months she’d lived in fear she’d get a phone call from the police, asking her to go and identify Sophie’s body. Petrified she’d never see her daughter again, or not hearing a thing until her daughter was a grown adult having had lived through sheer hell. Stories like it popped up on the internet and in the news all the time. Young girls kidnapped and forced to live in the basement of some deranged deviant.

  But none of that had happened to Sophie. She left under her own steam, promised to come back and explain, but she didn’t. For six months, and now she was here, looking happy, healthy, and as if life had been good to her. Had she even missed Melissa, Jake, and the twins? Had she considered coming back home, or at least phoning them? Did Sophie know just how much her family had missed her? Had never stopped looking and hoping?

  “Mum…” Sophie walked into the
kitchen, unsure how her mum was going to react.

  “Did you even miss us?” Melissa blurted out, tears pricking at her eyes.

  “Every day. You, Jake, the twins were in my thoughts all the time.” Sophie’s voice broke as she tried to swallow the lump which had formed in her throat.

  “Then why didn’t you come home or even phone us?” Melissa yelled out suddenly.

  “I did call. A week after I left, and you were having a fucking party. It felt like no one cared at all, so why should I have bothered again?” Sophie shouted back.

  “What? I don’t remember that.”

  “Jake answered, laughing down the phone at me while a bunch of voices were in the background. It sounded like a party and you were all loving not having me around.”

  “A party? I don’t remember us having a- oh.” Melissa’s memory seemed to kick in and she remembered the get together they’d had to celebrate Jake’s team winning some trophy or other. She’d promised him they’d do it months before, and while she’d been hesitant because of Sophie being missing, she’d wanted to try and keep things as normal for Jake and the twins as she could. “Soph… it wasn’t like that.”

  “It doesn’t matter what it was like mum, it happened. Yeah, I should have tried again, but I was all over the place and assumed you were happy I wasn’t here.”

  Sophie didn’t look at her mum as she spoke. Feeling unwanted was worse than the name calling at school; being turned on by people she’d considered friends was nothing like being turned on by family, as far as she was concerned.

  “Honey. We missed you every single day. That night was the only night we were able to be normal and switch off from the worry and panic surrounding your disappearance.”

  Of course that would have been the one-time Sophie had tried to call home. Any other time, Melissa would have jumped on the phone if it rang, desperate to hear Sophie’s voice, to beg her to come home. But it never did, and the longer it got since she’d left, the less they heard anything about Sophie.